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April 2011


my (our) books

Fool for Love When You Don't See Me

Someone Like You I'm Your Man

He's The One It Had To Be You

The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica Best Gay Erotica 2007

Best Gay Love Stories: New York City Best Gay Love Stories 2005

Three Fortunes In One Cookie The Deal


If you have any of the above books and would like them signed, mail them to:

P.O. Box 131845, Houston, TX., 77219.

Please include three dollars for return postage.

Send email to timothyjlambert@gmail.com

Warning: This blog may contain homosexuals which in the states of California and Maine have been alleged to destroy the sanctity of marriage. Read at your own risk.


recommended courses of action

Scout's Honor Rescue is an all-breed, no-kill, Not-For-Profit 501(c)(3) animal rescue organization committed to bringing courage, character and compassion to Houston's homeless pet population and making a positive difference in the lives of these stray and abandoned animals and the Houston community as a whole. 100% of every dollar donated goes directly to saving the life of a homeless animal.

Scouts Honor Rescue Inc.

locally known


maine AIDS alliance

global AIDS alliance


AIDS foundation houston

bering omega community services

frannie peabody center

Timothy's hair by Larry Henderson Hair Design.

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i get a kick out of you

When she's good and liquored up, Hanley does a few parlor tricks. One of them is that she'll rub her tummy when you tell her to put on her lotion. Another is if she's asked "How big is Hanley?" she'll throw her arms wide and laugh while you supply the reply "This big!" She loves to laugh and has an excellent sense of humor, although it's also somewhat twisted. She'll throw a "sucky rag" over her head, laugh her fool head off, and then rapidly crawl into the nearest wall, whereupon she'll bonk her head, and whether she laughs or not after that is a crap shoot that's fun for everyone ages 10 and up.

If you present a stuffed animal to her and say, "Do you love the bear?" she'll throw her arms around it and hug it tightly and sweetly. That's my favorite. It's usually adorable, so I tried it yesterday with a little bald-headed dolly of hers. I handed it to her and said, "Do you love the doll?" She hugged it, as usual, but then immediately put the dolly's head in her mouth. If we were in a monster movie, that would be the point where the doll would scream until Hanley bit her head cleanly off in one swift motion and gulped it down, tossing the body aside and tottering through the streets of Houston, pushing over tall buildings and leaving a swath of destruction in her wake while emitting screams that shatter windows and terrorize the citizens everywhere. I shook away that lovely vision and noticed that she had crawled across the room and was now trying to shove the dolly's head into an electrical outlet. The outlet was Hanley-proofed, so the dolly was granted a reprieve.

There's a playground nearby Hanley Inc., so The Big H visited it a few days ago after I returned a pair of jeans at The Gap. Has anyone tried their new jeans yet? I bought a pair of the skinny jeans in a 31 waist, which was huge on me, so I returned them for a 30 waist, which was too tight and the zipper wouldn't stay up. Which would probably be great if I were in Judas Priest circa 1987, but I'm not, and it's 2010 now, so I returned them immediately. While I was in line at the register holding the jeans and Hanley, she grabbed my hand and started slapping my face with it. The Big H let out a sadistic cackle and a woman behind us giggled with her. She probably beats her nanny, too. Anyway, the playground was cool, but the only things that didn't look like a deathtrap for someone Hanley's size were the bucket seat swings. I dropped her into a swing, gave her a little push, and waited for the glee. There was no joy to be had. Hanley sat with her arms jutting out and unmoving, her eyes wide, obviously thinking, What the hell? Am I going to have to fire you again? What is this thing? So I pushed her again and this time I crouched to the ground, directly in the path of her rapidly approaching feet. When they connected with me, I yelled, "Boom! Aieeee!" and pretended to fly through the air and land on the ground as if she were a wrecking ball and I was a beautiful historic building in downtown Houston. Suddenly, she laughed and swings were fun.