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NOH8

April 2011

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my (our) books

Fool for Love When You Don't See Me

Someone Like You I'm Your Man

He's The One It Had To Be You

The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica Best Gay Erotica 2007

Best Gay Love Stories: New York City Best Gay Love Stories 2005

Three Fortunes In One Cookie The Deal

contact

If you have any of the above books and would like them signed, mail them to:

P.O. Box 131845, Houston, TX., 77219.

Please include three dollars for return postage.

Send email to timothyjlambert@gmail.com


Warning: This blog may contain homosexuals which in the states of California and Maine have been alleged to destroy the sanctity of marriage. Read at your own risk.



Jon%20DeMichaelQuantcast


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no joke


This utterly ridiculous site was brought to my attention via Towleroad. It's a site for parents brought to us by our Health Department regarding teens and sex. It's chock full of misleading information and lots of offensive statements. Plus, it routinely mentions religion and "family values," which leads me to believe some fundamentalist wrote it. And yes, it includes the required slap in the face regarding glbt issues: "If you believe your adolescent may be gay, or is experiencing difficulties with gender identity or sexual orientation issues, consider seeing a family therapist who shares your values to clarify and work through these issues."

Okay, sure. I wish my parents had offered to let me see a psychiatrist when I was a teen and they found out I gave Name Withheld a blowjob. Although, I'm thinking 4Parents.gov is suggesting a visit to the shrink the way that my parents actually did offer me: to be "cured" or "straightened out." And what's with that "family therapist who shares your values" crap? That shouldn't matter. A good therapist has no values. Uh... You know what I mean. Or perhaps they're saying the parents should see a psychiatrist. Which might not be a bad idea either. Apparently, psychiatrists and therapists are the new lawyers.

The site offers a questionaire to help determine your parenting style. However, as a former adolescent, I can see that it's pretty biased and not taking into account many outside factors. They offer A, B, and C choices, but there's always a D. (As my high school transcript will clearly show you.) I know I'm not a parent (Which will probably a law in 2006 anyway.), but in the interest of helping Americans be better parents, I'll add the D's for your consideration.




Parenting usually involves a combination of approaches. However, most parents lean toward one basic style. The following quiz illustrates how parents react to their adolescents.

1. After two speeding tickets you tell your son that the next ticket will result in him losing his car and all privileges for six weeks. One week before the prom he gets a ticket. Son is facing dad. He is desperate. "Dad, my date has already bought her dress and I already paid $200 for our prom tickets. Just wait until after the prom. I promise I will not complain about being grounded."
As a parent you:
a. Make an exception. He won't be grounded until after the prom.
b. Tell your son that he knew the rules and the consequences. He loses his privileges. He must also pay the girl back for her prom dress. The money he saved for the prom will be used to pay for his speeding ticket.
c. Allow your son to go to the prom only. No car, no party afterwards. He will also be grounded for six weeks after the prom.
D. Remember that you're an impoverished writer who has never owned a car and could never afford insurance. Demand to know whose car he's stolen and notify the authorities. Use the $200 in prom ticket money as bail after he's had a few nights in The Joint. That'll learn him.

2. Your 12-year-old daughter wants to use her birthday money to go to a tanning salon.
As a parent you:
a. Allow her to. It is great that she wants to look good. Besides, all her friends are doing it.
b. Flatly refuse to even consider it.
c. Tell her you understand she wants to look good but remind her that keeping up a tan like this is expensive-it doesn't last long. Also, remind her that she won't have the money to go to the lake with her best friend next weekend if she spends money on tanning.
D. Explain to her about Web Cams, and the possibility that her visit to a tanning salon may wind up on TanningTart.com, or a similar site. Is that worth the melanoma?

3. After leaving a store your 10-year-old son tells you that the cashier gave him $10 too much in change. He pulls the change out of pocket and says, with a pleased expression, that the cashier gave him back too much money.
As a parent you:
a. Tell him that next time he needs to be honest because you are in too big a hurry to return to the store.
b. March him back into the store and make him apologize to the cashier and return the money. Ground him for accepting the money in the first place.
c. Ask him to go back inside and return the money. Remind him this could have been his money someone else was keeping.
D. (A hybrid of b. and c.) Take him back to the store, all the while boring him with stories of your years of working retail jobs, and how an employee whose drawer is short $10 could get written up or fired. Escort him into the store and have him return the money. If the clerk is cute, flirt with him, causing son further embarrassment. aka-punishment.

4. Your daughter borrows $25 and promises she will pay you back with money from her next baby-sitting job. After her next baby-sitting job she asks to spend the money on a movie and dinner with friends. You remind her she owes you money but she begs you to let her repay the loan later.
As a parent you:
a. Tell her you will let it go, this time.
b. Tell her she must keep her word and be responsible. You feel bad that she can't go out with her friends. But you hope that she has learned a valuable lesson.
c. Allow her to pay half of what she owes now and half later. She will have to decide between joining her friends for dinner or a movie since she can't afford both.
D. Set up a payment plan with interest. You're a poor writer and don't have a car, remember? This kid's a gold mine.

5. Your 15-year-old son hands you his report card. The marks are low-again.
As a parent you:
a. Tell him you understand; maybe the teachers don't like him. Besides, he is young and needs to have fun while he can. He should just try a little harder next time.
b. Express your disappointment and punish him until his grades improve.
c. Ask your son to explain the bad grades and talk about what he will do to improve them. Require that homework be completed before going out with friends, watching television, etc. If his grades do not improve the consequence will be fewer privileges.
D. CALL OR VISIT THE SCHOOL. Speak to his teachers. Use phrases like, "Am I paying taxes so my son can get D's?" Arrange extra credit assignments or tutoring sessions. Make the call in front of your son or take him with you on the visit. This has the benefit of embarrassing him and showing him you mean business.

6. Your 14-year-old daughter asks to go to a movie with friends.
As a parent you:
a. Just trust that she will make a good decision about which movie to see. After all, teens can't get into R-rated movies.
b. You know the kids she is going with and assume they have chosen a movie you would not want her to see. Say absolutely "no"-no discussion.
c. Look over the movie reviews with your daughter and help her choose a movie that is acceptable.
D. Remember the time you went on a date and saw About Last Night. Remember how uncomfortable the sex scenes made you. Remember how your date was excited by Rob Lowe. Remember how you were, too. Tell your daughter she can only go if you go, too. Sit behind her and friends. Laugh loudly while stuffing your face with popcorn and Milk Duds.

7. Your 16-year-old daughter wants to go out with a boy you don't know, explaining that, "he's a great guy."
As a parent you:
a. Trust that your daughter is making a good decision and tell her to have fun on the date.
b. Forbid her to go out with him-period.
c. Tell her that he sounds like a great guy and he needs to come to the house first so that you can get to know him.
D. Quiz daughter about potential boy. Plug his name into Google and see what you come up with. Do a background check on him. If it's clear, allow him over for an interview. Be sure to ask questions like, "What are your intentions for my daughter?" Or, "So, how long have you been sleeping with my daughter?" Get a urine sample. Make him cry. If he doesn't cry, completes the essay questions and the drug test comes back negative, allow them to do out. Have them followed.

8. Your 13-year-old daughter is invited to a coed sleepover. You check with several parents, they are allowing their teen to go and adults will be there.
As a parent you:
a. Agree. After all, lots of kids do this.
b. Flatly refuse.
c. Explain to your daughter that you trust her but you don't think it is appropriate for guys and girls to spend the night together. Offer to provide an alternative activity at your home for your daughter and her friends.
D. Depends. Do you know the adults hosting the sleepover? Have you Googled them? Did they clear the background check? Do you like them? Do you have guest list approval? If so, like the movie question above, she can only go to the sleepover if you can. You'll do the makeovers.

9. Your son was up late doing volunteer work with his youth group. That night he tells you that he didn't study for an important test that is scheduled for the next morning and asks to stay home from school to study.
As a parent you:
a. Tell him because he did a good deed the night before he can just sleep in.
b. Tell him he absolutely cannot miss school. If he fails the test, he's in trouble.
c. Suggest that he explains the situation to his teacher, and ask if he can take a make-up test or do extra credit work.
D. Introduce son to the "You Play/You Pay" rule. Force him to stay up most of the night, studying. Explain to him about time management skills. If he gets below a B, review his extra-curricular activities and force him to cut one out of his schedule. Most likely the "youth group." *shudder*

10. Your 16-year-old son comes home late, obviously drunk.
As a parent you:
a. Let him sleep it off and surprise him by saying nothing the next day. After all, you did that yourself once or twice and kids will be kids.
b. Ground him for a month-no questions asked.
c. You let him go to bed and wait until the next day to discuss the situation. You allow him to explain his behavior but make it clear that there is no excuse for getting drunk. He will be grounded.
D. Fondly recall the first time you came home drunk as a lad. Fortunately, you weren't stupid enough to get caught. Make your son do cartwheels until he pukes. Later, use a dark room and a bright light in his eyes to get him to confess who gave/sold him the alcohol. Press charges and sue. You'll get that car yet.

To Score:

* If you chose mostly A's - you lean toward a permissive parenting style.
* If you chose mostly B's - you lean toward an authoritarian parenting style.
* If you chose mostly C's - you lean toward an affirmative parenting style.
* If you chose mostly D's - you lean toward a cunningly realistic parenting style. And you're probably a homosexual author.

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