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April 2011


my (our) books

Fool for Love When You Don't See Me

Someone Like You I'm Your Man

He's The One It Had To Be You

The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica Best Gay Erotica 2007

Best Gay Love Stories: New York City Best Gay Love Stories 2005

Three Fortunes In One Cookie The Deal


If you have any of the above books and would like them signed, mail them to:

P.O. Box 131845, Houston, TX., 77219.

Please include three dollars for return postage.

Send email to timothyjlambert@gmail.com

Warning: This blog may contain homosexuals which in the states of California and Maine have been alleged to destroy the sanctity of marriage. Read at your own risk.


recommended courses of action

Scout's Honor Rescue is an all-breed, no-kill, Not-For-Profit 501(c)(3) animal rescue organization committed to bringing courage, character and compassion to Houston's homeless pet population and making a positive difference in the lives of these stray and abandoned animals and the Houston community as a whole. 100% of every dollar donated goes directly to saving the life of a homeless animal.

Scouts Honor Rescue Inc.

locally known


maine AIDS alliance

global AIDS alliance


AIDS foundation houston

bering omega community services

frannie peabody center

Timothy's hair by Larry Henderson Hair Design.

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Oh, what a shitty day. I'd just taken a shower and come upstairs to check my email, while Becky was downstairs in my apartment wrapping gifts, and heard Mr. Becky outside yelling at one of the dogs. Like Gladys Kravitz, I ran to my window to see what all the commotion was about, and saw him wrenching something out of Margot's mouth, then looking at whatever it was in disgust. The Compound dogs are notorious shit-eaters, so I assumed it was a piece of crap and said as much to Becky. Just the night before I'd caught Guinness with a turd in her mouth, which I made her drop, and which she proceeded to try to get again when my back was turned for a second. Bitch. Lovely topic, I know, but I'm going somewhere with this.

Becky went back to her house while I was upstairs getting dressed, and then came back in a panic because it wasn't shit that Margot had picked up in the yard but a chunk of rat poison. Earlier this week our exterminator had left poison in Becky's attic. A rat had taken the poison onto the roof, and it must have fallen into the flower bed below for the dogs to find. We never anticipated that happening, for some reason, so of course it did.

Mr. Becky had immediately flushed Margot's mouth with water, which might help, but unfortunately this is contact poison; the rats eat it and it poisons their blood on contact via absorption, causing dehydration and bloat, making them leave the house in search of water so they'll die elsewhere. Of course this happens on a weekend in the afternoon, so no matter who I called, they weren't there. I called the emergency vet, but they couldn't do anything because they don't know the necessary steps to take if they don't know what kind of poison the dog ingested. They gave me the number for the ASPCA's Poison Control hotline—(888) 426-4435—so that's who I called next. I described everything that happened, gave the best description of the poison that I could, but they needed the EXACT type of poison Margot got hold of. Becky was frantically looking through the paperwork the pest people left, but they never wrote down anything other than "rat poison." Big help. And of course their office was closed for the weekend with no emergency number. I called the poison control again and described the poison again, and then finally put Becky on the line to talk with them, because poison control charges $50 for the call if they give you a consultation and steps to take to care for your pet.

We were advised to induce vomiting. This got interesting. We were to feed Margot a bit of unsweetened bread, and then two tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide with yogurt, cottage cheese, or peanut butter. Margot got picky, so Becky ended up using cream. More pickiness. A dropper was used to squirt the mixture down her throat. Man, did she hurl. We examined the contents of her stomach and only found a scant few granules of the poison. Becky called the poison control people back and learned that Margot shouldn't have food or water for a couple of hours, so her stomach would settle, and shouldn't show signs of distress from poisoning for another 72 hours to five days. This gives us a decent window of time to A) talk to the pest people ASAP Monday morning to find out the EXACT type of poison used, and B) get Margot to her vet to have a coagulant test done to make sure her blood isn't thinning, and whatever necessary steps that need to be taken to counteract the poison, whichever type was used. She should be fine, but of course we're all freaked out.

After that, we raked the entire property, especially the flowerbeds around the house, to make sure there was no more poison in the yard. This all happened mid-afternoon, so we were racing against the setting sun. We got everything but the front yard (the backyard is bigger), which we'll take care of tomorrow, as well as cleaning out the gutters and making sure there's no more poison on the roof. We bought new flashlights so we can police the dogs more carefully while they're outside in the dark. Then we induced Guinness to vomit, because who knows if she picked up anything. Better safe and hurling than sorry, right? She had nothing in her that shouldn't have been there. Although, what did come out looked rather nuclear and probably should be marketed to strip floors.

Rex didn't get to vomit, as he's hardly ever out of my sight, because he's a bad seed. I'm so ON him all the time, so I can praise him for doing something right, even when he's outside, so I'm 95% sure he hasn't ingested anything hazardous. In any case, all three dogs on The Compound will be watched carefully for the next few days, just in case. We'll be like new parents, alert at the sound of the slightest sneeze or cough, and saying things like, "Does Margot's color look okay to you?"

Lessons learned:
*If you've got rats in the attic and have pets, consider using an exterminator that will use live traps. There are probably exterminators in your area that will do this.
*If you've got rats in the attic and have pets, and insist on using poisons to kill the rats, consider boarding your pets or leaving them in the care of a trusted friend or neighbor UNTIL the exterminator has deemed your home to be rat-free and has REMOVED ALL OF THE POISON FROM YOUR PROPERTY.
*If you've got rats in the attic and have pets, and insist on using poisons to kill the rats, have your exterminator write down EVERY type of poison left on your property as bait for the rats. Our exterminator left two types and we stupidly don't know the name of either product. Don't be like us. If you buy the poison yourself, keep the packaging handy in case of emergency, because you WILL need to know what kind of poison you used if your pet—or child— unwittingly ingests it.
*If your pet has ingested poison, keep a cool head and gather all the information that you can about what type of poison your pet ingested, and then call poison control. (888) 426-4435 You'll want to know the brand name of the poison, how much of the poison the animal ingested, anything else the animal ate that day, etc. The more you know about the poisons in your home, the better.
*Pets are much like children in that they will get into anything on their level. If you leave your pet unattended in your yard, it might be wise to do routine sweeps of the property to make sure there isn't anything hazardous your pet can get into. Your indoor cupboards might be baby-proof/pet-proof, but does your pet have access to your garage? What's on the floor or on a low shelf in the garage that might be interestingly poisonous for a dog to get into?